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Some entertaining product descriptions

Posted by alkali 
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alkali
Some entertaining product descriptions
March 20, 2024 11:32PM
Product descriptions sometimes contain amusing things. I suspect at least some of these result from writers of ad/catalog copy getting bored and needing more of a creative outlet than their work nominally provides.

I am clearing out some old bookmarks. I will post things here as I run into them.
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alkali
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 20, 2024 11:40PM
IVO SafetyGrip 6" Red Boning Knife

Quote
Wolff Industries

Get ready to slice your way to safety!

Ready? Ready.
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alkali
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 20, 2024 11:47PM
Old Hickory Lettuce Trimmer

Quote
Harry J. Epstein Co.

Whether you've got lettuce to trim, crops to cultivate, or just looking for that perfect child's machete. This is the knife for you.

Epstein is an excellent store, by the way, particularly for people with the patience for bargain hunting.
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alkali
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 20, 2024 11:54PM
ESEE Churp Liner Lock Knife

Quote
Blade HQ

If you add this impressive multi-use pocket knife to your collection, you will undoubtedly feel good about your daily and overall life choices.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2024 11:55PM by alkali.
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alkali
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 21, 2024 12:30AM
Dexter Sani-Safe 3 ½” Vent Knife

Quote
Harry J. Epstein Co.

[...] its small size grants access to those harder to reach, smaller areas.
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jasonstone20
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 22, 2024 02:11AM
alkali,
hahaha, these are funny. I always have fun trying to understand the instructions from China, written is a weird English.
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alkali
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 24, 2024 01:41AM
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jasonstone20
hahaha, these are funny. I always have fun trying to understand the instructions from China, written is a weird English.

And yet none of the quotations above seem like translation artifacts.

Here is one that might be:

Opinel brand page at KnifeCenter

Quote
KnifeCenter

Since 1890, in a pocket, backpack, kitchen drawer or on the table, Opinel has been synonymous with a nomadic art of living, natural spirit, moments of sharing and complicity.
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jasonstone20
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
April 01, 2024 05:41PM
alkali,
That sounds like you found one!
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Wolfgang
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
December 02, 2024 11:54PM
Quote
Forever Sharp
Site

The Original Forever Sharp Knife blade is constructed from surgical stainless steel and designed with the Air Flow Ridge System, to allow for smooth and easy carving.

eye rolling smiley “ surgical stainless”



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2024 11:55PM by Wolfgang.
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Older Spice
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
January 25, 2025 11:06PM
I feel like I should have a lot of examples for this thread. But none come to mind yet.
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William
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
February 17, 2025 02:55PM
Fun! Some sound AI generated.
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Older Spice
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
March 09, 2025 10:31PM
Well AI sounds like an echo of our most cliche communications.
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jasonstone20
Re: Some entertaining product descriptions
June 29, 2025 12:41PM
Older Spice,
It is, it is derivitive, I once asked it something and came up as the source for the answer, LOL
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